Listen.

I thought everyone was clear on this by now.

If you insist that you only like "bone dry martinis," if you recite ridiculous things like "just tap the bottle of vermouth against the shaker" or "whisper 'vermouth' across the ice," if you pour a little vermouth in the shaker and then pour it right back out so it just coats the glass ...

... you don't like martinis. You don't drink martinis.

You like glasses of gin. There's nothing wrong with liking gin. But a glass of gin isn't a martini.

Here is a bone-dry cheeseburger to have with your martini. After assembling the bread and cheese, I waved my hands over it and whispered the word "cow."



(Grilled cheese and vegemite, which I'd meant to post on National Grilled Cheese Day but forgot.)